Found on My Phone
Text messages from this summer. I was writing to one of my favorite-est people ever–a wonderful, hilarious woman who was my colleague back in the day. When I was part of the working class. Pushing health insurance for The Man.
I share this as a reminder that these trips back to the USA are not vacations. The good news is that they can be rife with blog material.
Me: You’ll love this. At MIL’s. TV on, as always. Never mind we are only here 5 nights. Tonight’s special feature: the RAPE episode from All in the Family. With the Closed Captioning on just in case the kids miss the details.
Me: The Spouse says, “Mom, the kids are here.” She replies, “You can go out on the porch.”
Me: Best of all? It’s a two-parter.
Me: I got out. I went to the liquor store. Under the guise of putting gas in the car.
My Buddy: I am howling!! You can’t make this shit up. What about Walker, Texas Ranger?
Me: Not tonight. But we DID have the show about the lady who survived being struck by lightning.
My Buddy: Do they sell Skinny Girl Margaritas in Hometown, Ohio? I might have to put this in my novel, you know.
Me: Last year it was a Very Special INCEST episode of Little House on the Prairie. I didn’t even know they HAD an incest episode until I sat through it.
Me: I bought vodka and mixer and wine at the Rite Aid. Because the CVS here is the only CVS in all of America that doesn’t sell booze.
Me: Had to buy a cork screw. We clawed THAT package open with our teeth.
My Buddy: Pa gets it on with Laura??? I am laughing out loud by myself.
Me: It was a neighbor. A one-episode appearance for THAT character. Just like the No Name characters who get killed off on Star Trek.
My Buddy: Maybe you can get them Tivo for Christmas next year so they won’t miss anything.
My Buddy: How’s the weather out on the porch anyhow?
Me: No porch this year for me. We’re staying at the No Tell Motel. Which claims to have WiFi but doesn’t. Or ice.
Me: At least MIL’s WiFi is working. Kids were distracted by their iPods so did not focus on Edith running around the house and screaming.
My Buddy: AAAAArchie!!!!
Me: It was SOOO uncomfortable. Made worse by the fact the rape took place on Edith’s 50th birthday. I’m now the same age as Edith.
I’m so glad to be home.